Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg tearfully told a press briefing that included his Mum and Dad, that he had not been allowed in the Government’s “Secret Courts” meeting.
As Clegg swept back the tears he whimpered, “It’s not fair the bigger boys in the cabinet are mean and nasty to me. The other day I found out from Chris Hulme that there was a Common Fisheries Policy meeting in Brussels, I asked if I could come and David said I had to tell Mum and Dad where I was going. When I came back I saw David running off with Eric Pickles”.
Clegg then went on, “After the election was over it was different, an older boy named Gordon said if I joined him he would show me his pet Poodle puppies called David and Ed, but told him NO, I wanted to be with my new bestest pal David Cameron”.
It is not the first time the Deputy Prime Minister has talked about cabinet room bullying, earlier this year he told tales of Worms being put in his ministerial despatch box by George Osborne and claims Francis Maude made him kiss Theresa May.
Clegg ended the briefing on a triumphant note declaring that Vince Cable smelled of Wee.