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Apple to sue god...

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Started 1 year ago by Theodore Sprangshaft
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Theodore Sprangshaft

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The Vatican is seeking legal advice after lawyers from Apple served a writ demanding that the Adam and Eve bit of the bible be removed as it infringed on the Apple global patent. Apple is also seeking damages and royalties from all sales of the Bible in the past 25 years.

A spokesman from Apple confirmed 'When god invented the bible up he should have had the forethought (being omnipresent and eternal) to have envisaged a day when his depicture of said fruit would have violated international patent laws. I'm afraid that by being god it is almost impossible to find any reasonable defense in this case...his claim to being 'all-knowing' pretty much makes this an open and shut case'
Lawyers also confirmed that they are currently tracing all known living descendants of Adam and Eve....especially those with links to Granny Smith's, Bulmers and Mr Kiplings

Posted 1 year ago #
waylandsmithy

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Much better effort than the old jokes you've been submitting! Nice idea! I think the headline needs to explain the joke and be funny in its own right: 'Apple sues Bible publisher for 'forbidden fruit' slur', or summat.

The ending needs a bit of work too: you need to end with a killer gag, an awful pun or something that flips the whole sub on its head.

Maybe concentrate on the fact the bible's apple has a bite missing, which can't be coincidence?

Posted 1 year ago #
Theodore Sprangshaft

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Many thanks for your comments.....a bit rushed I must admit and so I take on board all that you have said. Yes, I am still 'finding my way' here and will no doubt stumble many more times before I reach the summit. Hope you have a great day.

Posted 1 year ago #
waylandsmithy

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Maybe worth writing something, sitting on it for a bit then editing out anything that doesn't add to the story, or add jokes you've since thought of, before submitting in here. Everything can be improved by editing, so don't rush it, and give yourself time.

Better to make one good, finished submission than a dozen weak ones. If you get a rep for writing second-rate stuff, no-one will even read the good ones!

Posted 1 year ago #
Theodore Sprangshaft

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Point well made and once again many things for taking the time to respond. Have to admit that maybe I haven't really taken this site with seriousness I should have and took time to feel my way. I totally get the quality v quantity argument and appreciate the advice.

Posted 1 year ago #
Midnight Dreary

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I didn't bother reading this one, as the other subs by this guy have been so bad.
Let me know if it's any good, can you? Ta.

Posted 1 year ago #
Theodore Sprangshaft

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Another of the site hierarchy pay me homage....why, I am so honored!

Posted 1 year ago #
Midnight Dreary

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It was a joke, just playing along with what Wayland said.

Don't worry, if you stick around here you'll soon learn what a joke is.

That was one too. Oh, never mind.

Thanks for linking your user name to the outstanding "youjizz.com" - saved me a google, that has.

Posted 1 year ago #
Username

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Also worth having a read through the archives. Pick out the stories which really do it for you, and then take them apart to see what makes them work. There's a lot of comedy-writing experience on this site, and the archives are a good way to become familiar with quality material

Posted 1 year ago #
Theodore Sprangshaft

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When I'm not here I love to go to Youjizz and rate their videos zero stars....that must really annoy them!

Posted 1 year ago #
Theodore Sprangshaft

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The same as Youjizz then?

Posted 1 year ago #
Textbook

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I think this could be rewritten with a change in angle, that Apple are concerned about apples being depicted as the root of all evil or something and suggest a revised bible where perhaps it's a banana or a nice plum.

Posted 1 year ago #
Username

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Textbook - like it. Yes, a banana and a couple of plums might be an interesting place to start the story..

Posted 1 year ago #

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