Mystery still shrouds the identity of a female body found on a canal bank in Manchester last week, as police say they have yet to formally identify her or her cause of death.
Detective Inspector George Rylands, who is leading the investigation into this case, confirmed that the police had been dealing with the case for ten days now and had still not made any significant progress. However, the Detective Inspector defending his handling of the investigation, pointing out that, given her poor quality of clothing, unattractive appearance and the fact that the country appearing to be continuing largely as normal despite her passing, she was, "probably no-one important anyway."
Despite this, he confirmed that the police have drafted in a specialist team in an attempt to establish her identity. This specialist team, a group of students watching old episodes of the Jeremy Kyle Show to see if the deceased ever appeared on it, are expected to report back later in the month.
"We only have a finite amount of police resources at our disposal at any given time", said the Detective Inspector, "and other pressing matters presently have priority over this. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to attend a meeting with the entire forensic team. I think they've identified that bastard who scraped my car last week."