In a hastily convened press conference a somewhat flustered Prime Minister David Cameron announced the immediate appointment of war hero George Mainwaring as the first UK Panic Czar.
"With all the recent fuss about fuel and Jerry cans we have reacted immediately and without much thought and appointed Captain Mainwaring to do something quickly about all the panic." said Cameron. "The cabinet had a right sweat on and just had to do something, anything, and quickly."
"It was Vince's idea, I think he served with him. Vince said he was so laid back he made Rip van Winkel seem like an insomniac. It will be Mainwaring's job to advise the Government on panic in general, how to create it, how to quell it and to develop panic guidelines." continued the PM anxiously. "Sometimes a mild panic is good for the nation but, due to undue panic, which is one of the worst kinds of panic, you can get sheer, sometimes known as dire, panic and that can be a nuisance."
"Captain Mainwaring has been told to not spend too much time thinking about the job and just to get on with it. In the meantime I would ask the nation, in the words of one of our greatest military figures, to keep calm and 'don't panic' ."
Captain G. Mainwaring (Home Guard Ret'd.) appointed Government panic czar.
(4 posts) (2 voices)
In a hastily convened press conference a somewhat flustered Prime Minister David Cameron announced the immediate appointment of war hero George Mainwaring as the first UK Panic Czar.Posted 3 years ago #
Corporal Jones said to be "devastated" to be overlooked for the role.
"You dedicate your life to a cause...." he said, as his top lip quivered very slightly. "And some fat old banker just comes along at the end and steals all the glory."Posted 3 years ago #
Was it Jones who said "Don't panic"? Oh shit. Anyway I see he made it to the ticker.
And I'mjust too late for an edit. DamnPosted 2 years ago #
And I don't even get a hat tip for pedantryPosted 2 years ago #
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