Following the Government’s announcement that Army and RAF service personnel are ready to perform the work of striking tanker drivers if necessary, it has been revealed that their training has also encompassed all of the traditional ‘stroppy leftie’ professions left in the country.
It is understood that many Sergeant-Majors are ready to step into the classrooms of any striking teachers, having been taught not to refer to the children as ‘You ‘orrible little shower of shit.’ Their customarily strict disciplinarian regime will also be relaxed with any smart-arse little buggers being punished using methods other than physical pain (except in extreme cases).
Similarly, a series of makeshift battlefield hospitals are now ready to be deployed at short notice outside NHS establishments throughout the country. It is recognised that some scheduled knee-replacements may become emergency amputations as a result but the Government is happy that the charity Help for Heroes should be able to provide any required support.
Cabinet Office Minister Francis Maude said, “I’m delighted that our brave servicemen and women are prepared to become factory workers, firemen or public service workers in order to defeat the militant commie bastard unions. And I’m sure in turn that the Services are grateful that they won’t have to go down mines or make steel, thanks to previous Conservative governments.”