From G.O. Westminster
Dear Biscuit, A friend of mine is worried about the possible fuel crisis and the pasty tax and is unsure what to do. Can you advise me (on his behalf) about the fuel. We had a big meeting about it and I just kept my head down as I had nothing to contribute. Can you also tell me what a pasty is please? Some of my workmates think it is a brush for doing wallpapering but others, who might be joking, say it is a kind of warm snacky thingy eaten by the affluent working and lower middle classes.
The fuel crisis. I know that this is a common concern among our readers. Our advice is get a colleague to tell everyone to hoard fuel in large cans in the garage but remind them not to tell anyone like local fire officers as they can be picky about flammable items.
The pasty (pronounced like nasty, not like tasty) is indeed a snack and normally eaten at or just above ambient temperature and this is the point to note. If the pasty vendor can artificially raise the temperature of his premises till it is almost as hot as a pasty then the pasty can be sold 20% cheaper. So our tip is only shop in really warm bakeries whose pasties are barely warm enough to eat and claim your 6 pasties for the price of 5. Remember to take a pasty thermometer with you.
From last weeks column: Remember PMDC and his dinner guest problem? Well I am happy to tell you that PMDC took our advice and made out that the guests were all just old friends who happened to be wealthy. The result? Most of the tabloids have moved on to other government cock-ups.