Police were today advising those displaying Vote Conservative signs on their property to remove them or risk having their houses burgled.
A police spokesperson said, “whilst you might think you’re saying ‘vote for fiscal responsibility and an end to Brown’, what you’re also saying is ‘I’ve done quite well thanks and my house is simply full of valuables - feel free to break in and feed it all to a hire van’. The police force is likely to be cut to shreds under the Tories and paid in softmints, so we’ll be faking warrants and carting your HD telly off ourselves if you’re not careful”.
There was also advice to those displaying posters for other parties. “Those Lib-Dem signs need to come down straight away. You’re just telling the cold-calling salesmen of the world that you’re very easily impressed. And the car thieves of the world will assume that because you’re the sort of person who actually forgot to vote the way you said you would, you’re also quite likely to have left your car keys in the ignition. The milkman may also fancy his chances of you getting into bed with him if he says you’ve got a lot in common”.
“Labour signs are a good deterrent. Something has usually died in those houses a long time ago, but despite the smell, people just won’t get rid of it.”