Labour supporters are said to be ‘cautiously optimistic’ today after news of a successful face transplant in the US opened up the potential for quietly replacing a worryingly inept party leader with the one they should have elected in the first place.
With US doctors having carried out the most extensive face transplant ever performed, it has been suggested that Ed Miliband’s face could be transplanted onto David Miliband, who would then quietly take over the role of Leader of the Opposition.
‘We’ve realised over the last year or so that we made a big mistake in electing Ed.’ said a senior Labour source, ‘There were two options on the vote, but they both said ‘Miliband’, it was all very confusing so a lot of us just ticked a box at random.’
‘Unfortunately, in our rush to get back to the subsidised bar, we ended up with the funny little gormless one as leader, instead of the politically astute one who doesn’t have such a whiney, nasal voice. This gives us a chance to put that right with the minimum of fuss, and without having to actually come out and admit that we got it all horribly, horribly wrong.’
The scheme would see David Miliband take on Ed’s face and role as leader of the Labour party, in a plot similar to that of Hollywood blockbuster Face/Off, but less entertaining and without so many explosions.
‘We considered getting John Woo in to make sure the plan goes as smoothly as the movie did, but he insisted he’d only do it if we let him blow stuff up in slow motion and then shoot a load of people. And we’re not quite that desperate. Yet.’