A very annoying boy, who's been in a coma for the past three days, has made an unexpected recovery that doctors and his family are calling both 'miraculous' and 'just typical'.
After having been run over whilst keying neighbours' cars, the medical consensus was that Wesley Driver, 14, would likely not pull through; leading to the family being inundated with messages from numerous 'oh well' wishers.
'It's just nice to know we're not alone in our feelings towards our son.' said Wesley's father, Alan Driver, the day after the incident. 'Everyone has commented on the massive effect losing our 'surly and infuriating' son 'with one of those voices that just goes right through you' will have on the community.'
'We were particularly moved by a limerick we received from the pensioner that Wesley liked to burp at from his moped.' he added.
Rather embarrassingly though, a remarkable improvement in his condition occurred just hours after the family had called an early-morning press conference to announce the impending termination of his life-support, which was to be followed by 'a nice pub lunch if the weather holds up'.
'It’s not the outcome that any of us were hoping for.' said Mrs Driver, fighting back the tears. 'It always seems to be 'kind, popular and happy-go-lucky' children with 'a life full of promise in front of them' that get cruelly struck down. Wesley's smile never lit up any rooms though. Unlike his passion for arson.'
The couple are now planning to sue the hospital over 'promises not kept' and the resultant loss of income they were hoping to generate from renting out Wesley's room. However, a spokesperson for the hospital was defiant.
'We have a duty to inform relatives of the worst-case scenario. In this instance it seems the Drivers let their optimism run away with them and took the likely prognosis, almost as a kind of guarantee. We maintain that we had absolutely no way of knowing, before treating him so expertly, that this child was such a dick.'
The family, however, claim the hospital knew full well what Wesley was like, yet still chose to act in a way that prolonged their suffering.
'You can tell from a mile off what he's like, he's just got one of those faces. I saw one nurse sneak in a quick slap after adjusting his drip and Alan heard a doctor refer to him as 'a smug, comatose waste of saline'. So, yes, they knew.'
'Still, if we win our case then at least some good will have come out of all this.' she continued. 'Although my heart goes out to the lovely little girl we'd promised could have his kidneys.'