Mass murderer, Peter Sutcliffe, has offered to help out in the event of strike by tanker drivers if the government agrees to renew his HGV licence, according to reports. The Ripper has declared that he is on a mission from God to keep Britain on the move should planned conciliation talks with ACAS fail later this week.
Sutcliffe, 62, says he was sitting in his maximum security cell in Broadmoor, minding his own business, when a deep male voice commanded him to use his experience of driving a Heavy Goods Vehicle in all weathers to help the country’s motorists in their hour of need, adding ‘Come on - this is bread and butter to you Pete.’ The government's civil contingencies committee Cobra, chaired by the prime minister, will meet later to discuss Sutcliffe’s parole amid reports that he has been on best behaviour since murdering thirteen prostitutes and seriously injuring another more than thirty years ago. A Cobra spokesman said, ‘All options remain on the table.’
Tankers’ representatives Unite want minimum standards covering pay, hours, holiday and redundancy, whereas Sutcliffe claims his request for supervised weekend home visits is reasonable by comparison, with a condition that he be allowed to put pin-ups on the wall of his prison cell. Sutcliffe said ‘It’s time the government took on the haulage firms and hammered some sense into them.’ He added ‘Ok, poor choice of words maybe.’
The multiple killer insists his old vehicle is still roadworthy, but later admitted that ‘the boot could do with a bit of a clearout’. However, haulage experts claim Sutcliffe would be ill-prepared to cope with modern road conditions which are far busier than those he experienced driving around Huddersfield in the late seventies.
Last night it appeared that any chance of immediate rehabilitation may well be on hold after it emerged that Sutcliffe had failed the HGV driver’s theory test with a score of just 18 points out of 35.In answer to the multiple choice question ‘What is the correct speed when driving through a built up area?’ Sutcliffe answered (d) ‘five miles per hour with the passenger window wound down. ‘