The Queen has invited the broadcaster David Dimbleby to form the next government of the United Kingdom. ‘He is the only man capable of commanding the confidence of the nation,’ said a spokesman for Buckingham Palace, ‘Her Majesty has therefore asked Mr Dimbleby to hold the reigns of power until further notice.’
‘I am proud and humbled to be selected as your next Prime Minister,’ said Dimbleby, ‘I haven't slept for the last 72 hours but I promise to stay awake for as long as the country needs me.’
The decision was made after more than 17 million people chose the BBC Election coverage – significantly more than any of the political parties. ‘This is hugely disappointing,’ said Conservative leader David Cameron, ‘but the people of Britain have spoken and we must respect their decision.’
Gordon Brown was invited to the Palace to receive the news in person from the Queen. However, in the car home, he was clearly caught on mic saying, 'they should never have put me with that woman' before describing Her Majesty as ‘a bigoted monarch’.
Dimbleby has made it clear that he will appoint a cabinet of ‘all the talents’ with the role of Home Secretary going to Nick Robinson, Chancellor Stephanie Flanders and Foreign Secretary John Simpson. Remaining members of the government will be chosen using the traditional method of pointing into the crowd and saying: ‘You Sir with the long hair, sorry Madam.’
Some experts believe that Dimbleby could go on to form a permanent administration with the backing of Nick Clegg in a so-called ‘Dim-Dem Pact.’ However, such a deal will only be possible if both men can reach an agreement over who gets to wear the most lurid tie.
Dimbleby is expected to move into Number 10 later today or just as soon as a 24-hour emergency locksmith can be found to open the door.