The woman who is alleged to have been an intruder in Simon Cowell's home this weekend has been speaking for the first time about her ordeal.
"It was a total nightmare. I was caught short and was looking for a public toilet, although I did think it was a bit posh but I was in a bit of a rush so didn't really pay much attention to that. All of a sudden the 'cubicle' door burst open and there stood Cowell! I was in mid flow at that point so I thought fast and reached behind me for the cistern. As I had hoped, there was a brick in there, which is just the sort of thrifty water saving device you need in this time of drought."
The woman, who cannot be named (because when the reporter was supposed to be staking out her house he was actually getting mashed on Yager Bombs in the local pub with fellow journalists and nobody recalls much after that) said "He unleashed a tirade of taunts at me, criticising my dress, my moves and the song I sing when I'm having a tinkle and the lock on the door doesn't work so I have to let people know I'm in there."
Despite the obvious setback of not being a contestent on X-Factor, Ms Unidentified has already been voted the winner by the general public and has
broken the all time record for phone poll votes.