When Ray Smith,19, looked into his girlfriend Samantha's eyes across a candlelit dinner table, he was taken aback to see just a pair of eyes.
'I'm not sure what I expected,' he said. 'But something like drinke to me, onely, with thine eyes, sort of thing. Romantic, like. Deep wells, azure angel eyes, sort of style. But Sam's eyes were just eyes and, I think, ordinary brown ones. It was disappointing.'
Ray said that after a few glasses of wine he had another look.
'Just the same,' he said, 'except now they were a bit misty - but that could have been my eyes. And when I looked deeply into her eyes, my knees went a little bit wobbly - but that was the wine.'
'It's not as if she wears glasses,' he said.
Ray now accepts that Samantha's eyes are 'not really up to much and it's a bit rude to keep staring into them'.
'Anyhow,' he said, 'I get a lot more out of staring at her arse.'