Their virulent opposition to longer contract hours, healthcare reform and outsourcing led many to suspect, but today the Royal College of Nursing admits what many thought all along, they're in it for the cash!
"You think any of us actually enjoy cleaning out your bedpans?" says matronly spokesperson Mrs Delaney, "Spare me. What few people know is that human piss can be sifted for gold and precious minerals just like rivers running out of mines."
The statement has been refuted by free market think-tanks who question why service is so poor given that nurses have a financial incentive to work harder.
"Maybe so," says Mrs Delaney, "But I’m usually too distracted, daydreaming about how many fivers I can stuff down my scrubs if I tie them at the bottom with string to actually care for patients.”