Business leaders are pressing the government to change the established state religion from the Church of England to a non-Christian belief system. The CBI have expressed concern that worshipping a figure whose pronouncements include “Blessed are the poor” and “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven” sends out a message that Britain is anti-business.
They concede that the Bible does contain a few business-friendly role models. They, for example, admire the way that the serpent recruits Eve as a brand ambassador for a word-of-mouth marketing campaign to launch his Forbidden Fruit product. They also applaud the example set by the chief priests in not backing down in the face of a populist outcry and insisting on paying Judas his full thirty pieces of silver, thereby rewarding talent and ensuring that other top earners in Jerusalem’s vibrant Messiah-betraying industry weren’t tempted to relocate to Egypt or Nineveh.
However, the CBI are currently looking at more dynamic, management-orientated faiths and are understood to be impressed with what the Ancient Greek pantheon has to offer. Atlas has a proven track record in shouldering global responsibilities, Pandora shows an ability to think outside the box and Priapus offers a huge incentive to prospective worshippers in the form of a substantial bonus package.