A family that put their troubles to one side and came together in support of a desperately-ill family member has fallen out again, with many divisions. Rivalries and long-standing feuds were only temporarily forgotten during the crisis and are now believed to be as bitter as ever.
Some of the biggest players in the family quickly reverted to their pampered primadonna existence as their relative began his recovery, while unfit and improper uncles who briefly developed a shred of humanity swiftly reverted to screwing as much money out of each other as possible. Similarly, poor relations from as far apart as Portsmouth and Glasgow who had offered prayers alongside their more affluent Manchester and London-based cousins received no offer of help from within the family.
“Of course we appreciate that we are not in their League,” said Michael Appleton from the Portsmouth contingent, “but with all the wealth in the family, you’d think something like this would prompt someone high up to help us.”
However family elder Sir Dave Richards was happy to ignore the problems in the lower branches of his family tree, explaining how the crisis had given him a new focus. “We often lack perspective as humans but at times like this, the overall picture becomes clearer. I think we can now all look forward to a very prosperous future with Sky-high definition.”