A special edition of the popular BBC show DIY SOS is set to see Nick Knowles and his team attempting to help a couple from Westminster repair their coalition.
Dave and Nick have been relatively civil partners for a couple of years now, and have spent much of their time together trying to build a comfortable coalition for them both to work in. Despite being keen DIYers, their attempts have been nothing short of disastrous. Fortunately, a video diary Nick sent in of himself crying into his shandy was enough to persuade the DIY SOS team to turn up, and make stupid jokes about 'getting plastered'.
‘We could see straight away from the video that there were some major problems with the work they’d done, we've seen more competent work by volunteers in Scout huts’, explained Knowles. The couple are hoping at least some work will start without them having to pay properly for it, before someone notices that they don't really deserve any sympathy.
'Building a coalition is a tough enough job for professionals, but for a couple of amateurs to undertake it was asking for trouble', moaned Knowles while pretending to paint. 'You have to get the mix right, then wait for the dust to settle. All their bluffing has left them with some seriously flawed foundations.’
The pair both bring something different to the partnership, but have so far failed to work together as well as they'd hoped. Nick is very much the ‘ideas man’ out of the two, but his indecisiveness means he'll often let Dave scribble on his sensible plans. 'Sometimes he'll do the exact opposite just to keep the big one happy', explained Knowles. 'It's almost as if he has nothing to work with.'
Dave, for all of his best efforts, is obviously much happier when he is destroying something. He's still claiming it was necessary to set fire to the medicine cupboard in the bathroom.
‘There were clearly some good intentions when they set out but I just don’t think they have the skills needed to pull this off.’ continued Knowles, ‘Just looking at it you can immediately see that the whole thing's leaning dangerously to the right. What’s even worse though is that rather than recognising earlier that it wasn’t really working, and re-assessing the whole project, they seem to have tried to patch things up by just white papering over the cracks.’
Hat-tip to Quixovivtiiuqui
