NewsBiscuit : Can anyone condense this into a ticker?

Can anyone condense this into a ticker?

(10 posts) (7 voices)

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beau-jolly

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"Overwieght, heavy-drinking, middle-aged, smoker overcome by feeling of self-satisfied smugness as another top athelete's heart bursts."

Posted 1 year ago #
Perks

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As Muamba recovers, cautious obese, 44yo, alcoholic, 20-a-day smoker cancels gym membership

Posted 1 year ago #
Psycadelic Squirrel

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Normal people vow to steer clear of running about a lot

Posted 1 year ago #
dvo4fun

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Fat bastards spark up on sofas as another top athelete's heart bursts

Not sure if this is condensed enough - couldn't be arsed to check

Posted 1 year ago #
Dickens or Shakespeare

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"Boozing couch potato admits shadenfreude pangs as top athlete collapses on live TV"

Posted 1 year ago #
Scroat

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Fat man dies of smugness as athlete is struck by coronary

We're all doomed either way...

Posted 1 year ago #
Dickens or Shakespeare

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Eric Pickles cancels gym membership.

Posted 1 year ago #
weematt

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Glasgow lifestyle validated by recent football trauma claims Salmond

Posted 1 year ago #
beau-jolly

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DVO made oi Laaarf! Go on DVO, stick it in the writers' room, go on, do it, do it now. (Or I will)

Posted 1 year ago #
dvo4fun

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right - done that. Have you got a spare tin hat?

Posted 1 year ago #

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