Chancellor George Osborne in his budget will announce a plan for the introduction of two headed coins. "These are times of great financial uncertainty " said Chancellor Osborne "Some critics have said we might as well toss a coin when choosing our polices. Well with our new coins we will have removed the element of chance."
"This plan is well supported by financial experts." he continued, "We have some of the biggest tossers in the world in our banking industry and we have their backing"
A design competition is to be launched to find the design that best symbolises the current times. A government favourite is a concept featuring the head of Peppa the Pig on one side and the head of Peppa the Pig on the other side.
A Treasury official said the Peppa design would make children interested in money from an early age, engendering an entrepreneurial culture in pre-school play.
Labour said it was just another example of the government's pig-headed attitude.