Talks between the Conservative and the Liberal Democrat Parties have resulted in an historic settlement.
"We are pleased to announce that we will be working together," said William Hague. "Liberal Democrats have accepted our generously sincere offer of three Government positions and we look forward to histrionic Cabinet meetings."
Mick Clegg said, "Both the Conservative Party and I want what's best for the Country. I am delighted to accept the post of Head of Paperclips."
Vince Cable, Cabinet Minister for Teaspoons said, "I feel strangely stirred by this moment. We have made history."
Charles Kennedy, newly-appointed Cabinet Secretary said, "I am also in charge of desks and bookshelves and eager to move to natural beeswax polish thus promoting our Greener Britain agenda."