Following the resignation of the Archbishop of Canterbury the Church of England is to use the franchising business model to decide where its headquarters is located. The CoE is thought to favour the north of England. It is reported that the CoE admires the new policy of matching pay and conditions to local levels that the government is to apply to public sector workers.
A spokespreacher for the CoE said " Moving to a poorer area will mean our outreach activities won't have to reach so far. We are given to understand that there is more heathen conversion potential the further north we go. Those bidding for the headquarters franchise should remember that we have a minimum requirement of one good sized cathedral. Bidders should not be deterred if they don't already have one. Its a while since we had a nice new cathederal."
Archbishop Scargill of Barnsley said "I favour the headquarters being moved into the public sector. Us hard working, salt of the earth, northern bishops, whose cathederals were closed during the Thatcher era, see it as a chance to bring back our traditional cathederal city culture. All those fat cat southern bishops are concerned about is job mobility and the effect on cathederal property values. Its folk like them that put the prick in bishoprick"