Greetings lesbians! (And friends of lesbians!) What can I say? There's no excuse for the massive yawning gap between my posts, but I hope you'll understand when I tell you that me and my superhot Japanese girlfriend Akiko have split up.
As you know, I loved being a lesbian with her, all the fingering and cunnilingus and so on, and we also shared the typical lesbian fetish for including middle-aged slightly overweight men in our love-making sessions to spice things up, either as an observer, or a sporadic participant.
But for now I have to soap my own firm buttocks in the shower. The only darting tongue teasing my rock hard nipples is mine,and my nimble eager fingers must seek out my own delicate love flower and stimulate my clitoris to thundering orgasm after orgasm.
Single life does have its perks, though, and having the time to re-start my lesbian world news blogs is one of them. Freed from the endless sweat-soaked musky double-ended dildo sessions I shared with my superhot Japanese girlfriend, Akiko, and the procession of balding, married middle-aged men we invited to our love-nest in London, I can train my keen lesbian eyes on current events instead of vaginas.
And no doubt about it, the top news story this week is #Kony2012gate, the furore surrounding the video made by activist group Invisible Children that went from obscurity to over 70 million views in a few days in the most extreme example of something "going viral" the internet has seen so far.
It reminds me of the time I posted a video I made to raise awareness of lesbian issues on RedTube.com - a user generated content site much like YouTube.
Many people still think that being a lesbian is about the popular stereotype that we hate men - whereas in fact many (or even most) lesbians are as curious about men as men are about lesbians. As I've documented in my blog many times, we pretty much have an open door policy of asking men to join in if they happen to walk in on us while we are licking each other out.
So my video started with a typical 6 minute scene of a woman (me) calling at another woman's house because her car had broken down, her phone batteries were dead, and she needed to call a mechanic. I mention that I'm a DJ at a club down-town, and then the house-wife says "Oh, that's a lesbian club isn't it?"
One thing leads to another, and before long we are a tangled knot of limbs, writhing and licking each other's smooth firm bodies on the living-room sofa.
When the middle-aged, slightly overweight mechanic arrives, we can tell he is really turned on by what he finds, so we invite him to "give us a service".
The video obviously touched a nerve, because within days of uploading, it had over 5,000 hits and my twitter campaign of "following" random accounts and posting links with whatever hashtags are trending that day also brought many thousands more to the video.
At first I was happy just to get the message out about the reality of lesbian lifestyles behind the myth of comfortable shoes, short finger-nails and crew-cuts.
Then the back-lash started. People pointed out that by charging £7.95 per month for access to a premium site that featured more of my videos, I was exploiting the public's genuine concern for lesbian issue awareness to make money.
A few days later, I was on a train into Waterloo, and a women opposite me kept smiling. She was in her twenties, firm D-cup breasts, red lipstick and long flowing blond hair, dressed in a tight blouse and short leather skirt - a typical urban lesbian, in other words.
I figured she recognised me from the video - which by then had over 10,000 views, and a 4.55/5 star rating - so I smiled back. I could tell she was getting turned on, and so was I. But with so many people around, what could we do?
She parted her thighs a few inches to show me she wasn't wearing any knickers, so I followed suit.
Long story short, I was arrested by transport police for masturbating in public.
My point is, there are so many ways a hit internet video can lead to being arrested for masturbating in public, and until the full story is known about Kony 2012 campaigner Jason Russell's rampage through San Diego, I choose to withhold judgement.
Anyway, I guess it's back to flicking the old bean for me, but if there are any other lonely, firm-breasted lesbians out there who'd like to get in touch, or if you just want to send me some links to videos you've made, get in touch.