As David Cameron's US visit draws to a close the British public are bracing themselves for the obligatory self-indulgent, embarrassingly tedious, over-analysis of the so-called "special relationship" between the two nations. As is customary journalists will forensically dissect the trip for signs that the richest most powerful nation on earth still cares about a small largely irrelevant one that used to be important.
The over-analysis is a game played by both journalists and politicians divided over who supports the government and who doesn't. The team who supports the government spends hours pouring over footage and speeches meticulously looking for evidence that Obama likes the UK while the opposing team do the same but looking for signs that he doesn't. Meanwhile the British public sink into shamed-filled holes of cringing self-loathing at how desperate the fawning must appear to the outside world.
Roy Stubbs from Colchester explained, 'You remember the annoying kid back in the school that nobody liked? And in order to make friends he sucked up to the popular kid? But it was always so obvious that everyone found it embarrassingly painful? Well successive UK governments have essentially taken that concept and used it as a template for our foreign policy towards to US. Now excuse me but I've built myself a nest of pillows and I'm hibernating until this is over because quite frankly it's ghastly'.
'Someone's going to mention the returning of Churchill's bust aren't they?' commented Nicki Wiltshire despairingly, 'Last time Cameron met Obama I saw a news report that caused me to cringe so hard and fast that I broke my back. I was in traction for 11 weeks'.
Although the British public feel the micro-examination of words and body language is tedious, petty, and embarrassing, many journalists with column inches to fill and politician's with cheap points to score disagree. Daily Mail "journalist" David Tomes commented 'If you slow this video of Obama at the basketball game down you can see that Obama at one point slightly raises his right shoulder while clenching his left fist. In Mongolian culture that's seen as a sign of disrespect. I don't think it's a stretch of the imagination to suggest that Obama is aware of this custom and used it as subtle insult to Cameron. Need I remind you that Obama said that the French were the US's best ally. Let me repeat that, the French'.