The government has announced that every home in the UK is to be fitted with a smart meter, a device that measures precisely the amount of gas and electricity that is being used.
"It’s a necessary step," said Energy Minister Charles Hendry, whilst on a tour of Pangbourne Badger Sanctuary. "I think I can speak for every badger here when I say that profligate waste of energy and natural resources is not something that can be sustained in the long term. We believe that metering is the future and to that end we have awarded a five billion pound contract to Cyberdyne Systems to facilitate such a system."
Some commenters have argued that this is simply a knee-jerk reaction to a previous failed policy, whereby Polish nationals living in the UK were to be reclassified as Smart Meters. That policy was roundly condemned at the time as being wildly exploitative and was ultimately pitched into the long grass by the EU, who rightly pointed out that nobody should be forced to sleep in a cupboard under the stairs, even if they don’t read the Daily Mail.
Others see a more sinister motive, however, as Cyberdyne Systems are not widely recognised as suppliers of domestic gadgetry and are more commonly known for the development of amoral cybernetic organisms. CEO Miles Dyson did little to allay fears when he said "The SKYNET 1.0 Grid Augmentation Array is a truly awesome product that will provide unique monitoring capabilities to the UK. I anticipate that by August 2017 it might be sufficiently advanced to be classed as self-aware."
Charles Hendry agrees. "OK, we all admit that installing the T800 Terminator at Stansted Airport was a bad idea, but I think Cyberdyne have the technology cracked now. I think we can all look forward to a day when everyone pays right royally for a cup of tea in their home without the prospect of nuclear Armageddon."
