Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has finally discovered the secret of time travel following a lifelong quest.
Ferguson, famous for constantly looking at and tapping his watch at the end of matches, told reporters at United's training ground 'forget all those Premier League titles and two Champions Leagues, this is definitely my greatest achievement. This will secure the long term success of Manchester United football club for, well, eternity.'
He went on to explain how his discovery meant that he is now able to 'borrow' unproductive time from earlier in any match to be used at the end of the match. 'It's simple when you know how' he chuckled. 'No more glaring at the referee to try to get him to keep playing until we score - now I can make sure that happens myself. We'll never lose again.'
Match of the Day presenter Gary Lineker questioned how useful Ferguson's discovery would actually be however. 'The flaw in the plan is that Paul Scholes and Ryan Giggs are already practically geriatric. If they have to play for much longer at the end of the match it starts to become more likely that they concede rather than score. And there could be tragic consequences as well.'
Ferguson has already considered this however, and is currently working out how to apply his new science-defying skills in new ways. 'I'm on the brink of being able to actually go back in time to bring former players forward in time to play for us' he explained. 'That means I'll be able to field the 25 year old Scholes and Giggs in my line-up, and I won't have to stop there. I could bring back Denis Law, Bobby Charlton, George Best. We'll be unstoppable!'
Physics experts have warned against messing with time travel though. Professor Brian Cox cautioned 'Fergie's playing a very dangerous game - he could cause a temporal disturbance in the space-time continuum. If he somehow prevents his mother from falling in love with his father he could cease to exist altogether. Or was that just in Back to the Future? Anyway, it's probably going to cause loads of physicsy problems and stuff.'
Ferguson intends to push ahead with his plan however. 'I'm sure it will all work out in the end' he maintained. 'It's all about balance isn't it, so I reckon, as long as I also take Jordi Cruyff & Juan Sebastian Veron back to play for the Busby Babes European Cup winning side, everything will be OK.'
Ferguson has remained tight-lipped about how exactly he is able to manipulate time, but experts believe it may have something to do with chewing gum incessantly, constantly criticising referees and failing to ever see any of his players doing anything wrong.