US Cartographers at the Department of Defence claim to have finally worked out where the Falklands is. Going one step further they have now submitted their own sovereignty claim to the UN.
"We always figured it was one of the islands next to Great Britain", said Secretary of Defence, Leon Panetta. "So consider our embarrassment when we discovered it near Argentina.
"It turns out the USS Lexington blew the Falklands all to hell in 1831, which is a much better story than the British and Argentinean claim to the islands", explained a prominent US historian, "Furthermore, they all speak English so we must have colonised it at some point too".
David Cameron has already been under fire from Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, President of Argentina, and Amerian actor Sean Penn, for his colonial attitude to world politics. The UK still retains a vice-like grip over several budding economic powers including Gibraltar, Bermuda and the Pitcairn Islands.
Slight reprieve came when British actors, Sean Bean and Sean Pegg, both stood by the British government's decision not to negotiate over the status of the Falklands. William Hague assured the public that "Two Sean's are better than one. Hopefully this should put an end to all the haters out there". However, a Hollywood spokesman has branded Sean Bean a "traitor" for his stand against the US claim over the islands,saying that "I hope he dies in all his films".