The Roman Catholic Church has strongly denied that there could be hundreds of hard-working priests in parishes across the UK showing no inclination towards homosexuality or paedophilia.
This follows an investigation by the BBC Today programme into allegations of apparently normal behaviour breaking out amongst members of the Catholic Church.
Paul Dyke, now a 19 year old art student from Coventry, is just one of the victims.
"I'm embarrassed to admit it, but at no time during my stay at St Paul’s School in Gadd did Father O’Leary make any sexual advances towards me,” said Mr Dyke.
“ I'd heard all about these Catholic nonces fiddling with kids. So what's so wrong with me, eh? ”
“I wish I’d joined the scouts now,” he added
Church spokesman, Bishop Murphy O’Cormac denied the allegations that some priests could now be trusted with children and young men.
"Ever since The Thorn Birds was broadcast in the ‘80's the Church has fought to reassure the congregation that relations between priests and attractive adult women will not be tolerated,” insisted the Bishop.
“Admittedly Rachel Ward is a fine young woman, but don't get the wrong idea, she does nothing for me."
In another blow for the Church, Father Steven St John was jailed this week.
“He will be sorely missed by all the young lads of Cheadle,” commented the Bishop.
“Father St John has gone down for 15 years, but I am sure that he will minister to the needs of many of the boys that he is locked up with.”