Indolent cretins countrywide today expressed their 'right to free speech and stuff' by condemning the child benefit cuts, largely through sloppy mouthfuls of burger residue. One time paper-boy and self-described lager-lout, Billy Stubbs, has taken it upon himself to speak up for those of a more comprehensible, diplomatic persuasion and give the Government 'a piece of our minds'. Eagle-eared pub mate, Tommy the Lad, was quick to point out that in Billy's case he should keep some back for himself.
The stance, or rather slouch, being taken by this army of layabouts, is that children these days are 'turning out rotten, can't be bothered to learn to read, which means they bring home the wrong beer, and are dimmer than that Ed Miliboat fella', which means the child benefit allowances 'just ain't worth the having a litter'.
Jimmy Poulter of Lewisham council flats, extra lazy block, gave a large piece of his mind to the Government earlier this week, sparking speculation amongst friends that his IQ must have decreased since the tin opener/dog catastrophe of 2011. "My first batch of kids turned out alright, I guess. I reckon the benefits we got balanced out their bad language and unwillingness to do anything. I don't know where they got that attitude from - they wouldn't even help me up from the sofa on some days, the lazy pricks. The Govingment ain't doing enough to sort youngsters out these days. It wasn't like this when I was a nipper, when Blair was around that is."
"Batch two, on the other chin, that's the three with Irlene, and one with Kath, are a definite loss - the benefits just don't cover them. I can get a Polish cleaner in for less than Charon costs to feed and Kath goes past the chippy on her way home from signing on, which pretty much makes Gary redundant. If they ain't gonna pay me more for looking after someone else's kids - shut it Kath, I know he's Pete's - then I ain't gonna bother having no more."
A Government response simply stated that 'the cuts certainly don't affect this subsection of claimants' and that a new "society benefits" scheme in which 'we will pay you more to not have further children' is currently in motion.