"Our Olympic arteries must not be clogged unnecessarily. The efficient circulation of catering traffic will be vital to the nation's health during this important period," said Communities Minister Eric Pickles, announcing Olympic Fast Food Lanes earlier today. Mr Pickles explained that with literally millions of hungry spectators dependent on heavily sponsored hydrogenated fat, salt and sugar products, the only solution is to prioritise. The fastest fast lanes must be reserved for transporting fast foods. The second fastest for Olympic dignitaries. Then spectators, athletes and others.
Mr Pickles also announced a new sponsorship deal in which the Olympic Marathon event will be renamed the Olympic Snickers.