Feminists around the country were said today to be furious that allegations have been made by the Men's Movement that becoming a feminist could lead to females so hating men, that they would be willing to take up arms to kill them all. In order to try and get a balanced view of this contentious row, I decided to contact a leading feminist and a representative of the Men's Movement for a comment.
It took a few days but I was eventually able to track down Ms Germain Greer who was hosting a women's symposium in Dorset, where she and a thousand of the sisters were discussing, 'The Role Of The Dildo In Post Democratic Socialist Societies And The Impact Upon Shareholders Of The Battery Industries.' As well as, 'A Woman’s Equal Right To Fart In Bed And Hold Her Husbands Head Under The Duvet.' Over a coffee in the canteen at the conference centre – which she insisted I pay for as she considered this to be a date – I asked her for her views on the idea that feminists hate men enough to slaughter them.
“It is clear to me that as women, we have to get real about the roles played by males in our lives and the world in general.” She began. “Men have always oppressed women throughout history. Whether that be by denying them the right to die a freezing death in the Atlantic Ocean by insisting they get into the life boats first if their ship hits an iceberg. Or by humiliating women by getting down on one knee in public places armed with chocolates, flowers and expensive diamond rings and begging us to marry the scum. We even have documented cases of men, selfishly going off to wars in order to protect the women and children at home from the jack boot of totalitarianism and dying in their millions, leaving the poor women to bring up children on their own. How utterly and typically narcissistic of the male sub species that is! With behaviour like this, of course it is a women's right to kill men. Anyone who says different is a reactionary male chauvinist pig dripping in the kind of sexism us sisters have been battling for centuries.
I realise that boys cannot get their heads around the idea that equality means women ruling everyone and dominating everything by fair means or foul, but the fact that men are too mentally deficient to understand even those basic political constructs, should not deter women from pursuing them.”
Warming to her subject Germain gradually moved into a full on rant.
“Look here, you male turd.” She continued. “I have even heard penis carriers like yourself claim that feminists can be sexist and abusive of men! I mean, just how stupid are you menial little parasites on the arses of women? Strewth, mate! You male vermin have nothing to complain about. Us goddesses have allowed you to marry us so that we can later divorce you for the most trivial of reasons and steal your houses, cars, money and kids and you still have no gratitude. We have even rigged the legal system so that it brings the axe down on you if you abuse us, but refuses point blank to recognise female abuse of men. Isn't that enough? Where is your gratitude?
As women, we work all the hours Ms god sends in order to find ways of screwing you out of as much money as possible. We have developed ways of using sexual intercourse as a weapon of war in our gender battles. We have perfected the arts of victim hood to such a degree, that even when we are beating men up in the street and stabbing them over and over with a broken bottle, the police still attack the males as a reflex reaction to our cries for help. We have convinced society that when we women expose our intimate body parts in public it's just a bit of fun, but when men do it, it is nothing short of evidence that all of them are dangerous perverts who should be castrated. We have worked tirelessly – for very little financial remuneration I might add – to produce reams of fake statistics to feed those idiot male MPs in the House of Commons of the rightness of our causes. I mean, Harriet Harman alone ought to be made Queen of England and her colonies for her contribution to this work.”
At this point our interview came to an end after I tried to interrupt her and ask a supplementary question and she began screaming that I was trying to emotionally rape her and fifteen security guards beat me senseless and threw me onto the street.
After a prolonged stay in hospital to recover, I tracked down Mr Ivor Willy. He is the Men's Movement UK spokesman. I asked him if he was serious about his allegations that feminists hated men enough to want them all dead.
“Have you spoken to Germain Greer.” He said.
“Then I need say nothing further.” He added and walked away.