North Korea has agreed to postpone its plans to kill you, your children, and everyone and everything you’ve ever loved, until it’s replenished its emaciated population with a selection of warm snacks donated by the US. The starving nation has placed its deranged plans for total annihilation via indiscriminate nuclear attacks on hold until it’s had ‘some proper steak, a bit of roasted veg and some of that delicious looking pepper sauce’.
American diplomats achieved a gingerly brokered form of truce with the bat-shit-crazy rogue state after noting that its insane fixation on killing everything had led it to overlook the fact that its citizen’s require sustenance. Recognising this oversight as a possible way to bring the mad-as-fuck nutjobs back to the negotiating table America offered food in exchange for a few more months of tentative existence, before the imminent destruction of everything at the feeble minded whim of a newly anointed despot desperate to prove he fills the rather tiny shoes of his also mad-as-shit deceased father.
North Korea, officially titled the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, follows in the time honoured convention of the Democratic Republic of Congo and the People’s Republic of China of preceding its county’s name with a word wholly unrepresentative of its governance. A tradition originally established by the United Kingdom.
The atmosphere around the dinner /negotiating table was often strained despite Pyongyang’s attempts to reassure its hosts. ‘Kill you?’ new leader Kim Jong-un asked ‘No, no, not at all. I wouldn’t do that. Now pass me the salt before I crush you like the western dog you are…Sorry what?’
In a desperate bid to avoid any unnecessary escalations during the tense interlude America hesitantly passed the salt before enquiring, ‘So? We cool?’
The plans of reconciliation were almost derailed in a major diplomatic blunder when the US decided to proudly promote the cultural excellence of Hollywood with some after dinner DVDs. In a massive foreign policy faux pas the film “Team America” accidentally made its way into the “maybe” pile. The film is deemed to be highly offensive in North Korea due to its “wholly inaccurate, unfair and insulting depiction of Thunderbird dolls”.