A Texas judge today ruled in a maternity case that there is no definitive proof that Necessity is the mother of Invention.
In a five page summary, Judge Leonard Fisk of Beaumont Court, Jefferson county, ruled that Invention's claims of neglect and humiliation could not be levelled at Necessity, who was not in court today for the hearing.
"Both parties in this case provided DNA samples to the Beaumont Forensic Service. However, it was not possible to determine parenthood from the available scientific evidence," said the judge. "Frankly, the results were completely blank and would merit no points whatsoever in a game of Scrabble."
Invention brought the case against Necessity after it revealed on its Facebook wall that it had suffered years of abuse at the hands of its mother.
"It pains me to say that whilst I still love my mother, I can never forgive her for what she has done," said the distraught noun. "I mean, asking for a boob job at the age of sixteen is surely the absolute right of every American teenager, let alone a word that is distinguished by plural and posessive endings."
Fisk concluded his ruling by stating that both parties should just move on and lighten up a bit.
"Laughter is the Best Medicine," he advised. "And that's a legal fact according to Texan law. I for one will most certainly be giving up my colon cancer medication in favour of a nightly chuckle or two."