In a surprise move Greece has been bought by venture capital firm Scorched, Earth and Profit for a pound. It’s the first time an entire country has been sold to be broken up and could prove the way forward for pointless nations such as Austria.
The move will leave millions of Greeks redundant and homeless. Each family will be offered either a donkey or a goat and given a week to vacate the premises. Most will have to apply to become Turkish or Romanian or even one of the Yugoslavian countries which keep changing their name. Eurostar have announced they will be running extra long trains to allow for the influx of illegal immigrants hiding underneath their carriages.
The Italians have expressed interest in the olive oil and cheese reserves which they plan to repackage for sale in overpriced delis up and down the UK. A conglomerate of American states hopes to buy up all the Greek history for export to the US as there is a definite shortage over there.
Some of the up and coming Eastern European countries are hoping to pick up the sandy beaches as a quick way into the holiday business. While Dubai is interested in the Greek islands which will be towed to the Gulf and resold to millionaires as holiday homes.
British car accessory chain Halfords have already signed a £5 million deal to take over the Greek wine industry which will be used to make screenwash fluid. Wine connoisseurs have welcomed the move.
And finally Spain will buy all the fishing boats which they will use to blockade UK waters while they plunder all our fish.