Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has unveiled plans to end hereditary privilege in Britain by introducing directly-elected newspaper editors.
‘It’s time to end this anachronistic, unaccountable system,’ Mr Clegg told a press conference. ‘The time when Britain was run by forgetful, doddery old tyrants hoarding power, terrorising Members of Parliament and listening in to my colleagues’ voicemail messages is at an end - it’s time for a new generation of young, fresh-faced politicians in their 40s to take over.’
Under Mr Clegg’s proposals, the existing system of unelected newspaper moguls would be replaced by asking newspaper readers to rank their favourite candidates in reverse order of revulsion, with the least despised candidate becoming editor for a fixed term of five years.
Critics of the reform plans have pointed out that the previous system, under which appointed newspaper magnates have generally handed on power to their children or pet redheads when they die or go mad, has worked reasonably well for the last century. ‘I have no direct knowledge of any time when the system hasn’t worked perfectly well,’ said one CEO. ‘It’s been all fun and games, as far as I am aware.’