Rick Santorum, the new frontrunner for the Republican Nominee, has never been one to shy away from controversy but his new claim is astonishing even for him. Speaking at a public appearance he made the claim that woman cannot be trusted with their own vaginas. “A woman’s vagina is a complicated maze, finding the right place to pressurize and what angle is hard process,” said Santorum, before adding, “Coming in from the right at a 37 degree angle is my usual game plan.”
Santorum’s policy would see all autonomy of the female anatomy relinquished and passed to men. “Who knows more about female sex organs than men? We pay no mind to the smell – on my wife it’s particularly bad, I need clothes pegs on my nose sometimes – and route around there for their benefit.” He admits that it will be a scary proposition, especially for a heterosexual man. “You spend all that time and effort searching. Then you find the Holy Grail and what does it look like? A tiny penis. Seriously, some are enlarged and may put the man to shame. But, you know, mysterious ways”
It will also be a time saver, with women having more time to cook, clean and if her husband permits it, work part time as a cook at his offices cafeteria. “Woman can have multiple orgasms. I’ll say that again; multiple orgasms. Frankly I’m surprised they get any work done at all. Imagine if men could achieve multiple orgasms. We would reach adolescence and male existence would cease. Thirteen year old boys would be bed ridden watching reruns of the Wizards of Waverly Place. Not that I would, because that’s a sin and stuff.”
Following the appearance he disappeared to the rest room carrying a recent copy of Playboy that, he assured onlookers, had the nude pictures cut out before being mailed to the model with a crucifix and bible
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Woman Can’t Control Their Vagina’s Says Santorum.
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Hooch
offlineMemberPosted 1 year ago #
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