A Confused Argentina international football striker had been wondering why he was being spat on in the street and not served at his local Manchester restaurant. It then became clear to Carlos Tevez why, when he turned on the television and saw a man resembling himself had angered Manchester and the world when he refused to come off the bench to help Manchester City in a Champions League game last autumn. Since then he has fallen out with the club and been living in Argentina since.
Carlos called a press conference explaining the truth behind his recent behaviour. During the conference he revealed that he had an “evil twin” called Karl Tevez. “Sometimes I ask Karl to step in, posing as myself and play my matches for me whilst I go on a prolonged holiday in the sun. Manchester is too rainy.” Carlos explained that Karl has a short fuse and had fallen out with Manchester City manager Roberto Mancini. He also refused to play since.
Carlos has returned now and relieved Karl of his duties and sent him back to the Tevez family ranch in Argentina where he usually spends time seeing to the cattle and cleaning pig faeces up. “I apologise to everyone, Karl is a little crazy and he is at fault for this whole fall out.” Despite criticism for his decision, Carlos defended the use of an “evil twin” and did not rule out using him again in the future. “I can be in two places at one time! The wife could be shouting at Karl whilst I sneak out and chill out with a movie and some wine.”