Prison officials at HMP Belmarsh have released their findings following the riots which took place late on Tuesday night, stating the trigger as being a group of prisoners arguing over who was the father of the children shown on the latest episode of Big Fat Gypsy Weddings.
Extensive interrogation followed the intense riot, which took place in the recreation area, as officers worked hard to find out the reasons behind the heavy beatings and broken bones. An officer, who asked not to be named, reported that many of the current inmates are gypsies who haven’t seen their children in years. “The show triggered a lot of emotions throughout the lads,” she said, “when they think it’s their little John-John or Chantelle on the screen, they get really teary and agitated.”
Darren Breen, 23, of no fixed address, was being patched up in the hospital wing when his interview took place. Locked up for aggravated burglary and fraud in 2008, Breen got involved in the fights when he claimed that a one-year-old boy on the show was his. “It was my wife on there with our other 3 kids, so that means that the boy is my son cos that’s how nature works”. When asked what the boy’s name was, he answered, “I dunno. Darren Junior?”
Critics of the Channel Four show state that it depicts a bad image of Irish Travellers in Britain, but the producers believe that Tuesday’s show – which was dedicated to showing the gypsies’ relationship with the police – had been incorrectly interpreted as being developed to antagonise prisoners. When approached for their comments, they provided the short statement that “it’s not our fault if gypsy convicts see the show as being some sort of ‘Jeremy-Kyle-on-wheels’”.
Not all prisoners were involved in the riot, many of them just filmed it on their smuggled iPhones. Sammy McKay, 24, of no fixed address, posted his video on Facebook within 5 minutes of the first punch being thrown. “My wife was really happy that I’d seen my twin girls Crystal and Princess on the show; I was made up when they were filmed cleaning the caravan for the very first time – it was the best First Communion day ever”.
Charlie-Boy O’Prey, 21, of no fixed address, was caught up in the fights. “I ha’nt seen me kids since the last time I were out on probation, and I were full proud to see me Sally-Joy grinding round in her glittery catsuit. It’s hard to believe she’s almost three”.
The prison believes that many of the gypsies who were arguing over the kids on screen were a bit confused, stating that many of them had no idea who their kids actually are and just wanted to retain the belief that they have actually sowed their seed somewhere. The rumours that the inmates were fighting over whose kids were the best pole dancers were unconfirmed.
Bobbyashlin Shevlain, 24, of no fixed address, was relieved that his wife and children did not feature on the show. “Well, I don’t want her drivin’ away all me scrap collection business”.