In an attempt to tap into the lucrative market of dead teen technology fans, Apple are considering bringing out a touch-screen Ouija Board.
An internal memo from Apple chief executive Tim Cook leaked to the press this week said: 'We've cornered the market for the living, now it's time we focused on the dead. As more people are born on our planet, it means more of them will die young. They all have to communicate with us somehow, and a traditional Ouija Board with letters and a glass is as outdated as a typewriter. Dead people are a great untapped market for Apple.'
Sydney Harris, 16, died in 2010 after stage diving at a Justin Bieber concert. She said: 'It's like really annoying - when I want to speak to me Mum and Dad, I've gotta wait until they're sat there with like their Ouija Board out. I can be waiting there for aaaages, and it's so annoying, I've got to write in like proper long sentences. And I'm just like 'Oh my God, this is taking forever.' With an iOuijaBoard, I can just message them when they're sat in front of the telly. Just say like :) or miss u xo. It's well wicked.'
Traditional psychics responded with dismay to the news, adding that they were becoming increasingly confused by dead young people communicating through the living using txt speak.
Eileen McGuinness, 71, has been communicating with the dead for more than 40 years, but said she had 'had enough of this gobbledegook dead young people come out with these days.'
'It's always been confusing trying to understand what people are trying to say in the afterlife. It's all in text speak these days, all sad faces and willy signs. I can't understand a word they're saying.'
Steve Jobs is understood to have already communicated his approval of the tablet from beyond the grave via an iOuijaBoard, and indicated it was already time to start work on the iOuijaBoard2.