The Home Office has issued urgent new guidance warning householders of the dangers of attempting to empty the toaster crumb tray. The warning follows the tragic case of the Watson family from Northampton, who all drowned in an avalanche of crumbs when Mr Watson attempted to remove the crumb tray from the toaster.
‘It’s easy to forget that toaster crumb trays can hold thousands of litres of crumbs in a highly compressed state,’ Home Secretary Theresa May told the nation. ‘One small tug on the tray’s handle is all it takes to release extremely high levels of energy in the form of toasted crumbs which have the ability to expand exponentially until they fill every last crevice of available space.’
The new guidance stresses the importance of only using properly qualified personnel who can remove the toaster to a purpose-built de-crumbing facility, where the crumbs can be safely extracted in a controlled environment and recycled for use in the construction industry or in super-rustic bread buns.
In later episodes, Theresa May will tackle safety issues associated with emptying the Hoover and putting out the rubbish.