MPs today discovered a man described as being in 'a terrible condition' huddled in a corner in the House of Commons. Barely able to speak and with a nervous disposition, it is thought the man has suffered from a lack of 'being taken seriously' for over two months in the parliamentary business of Government.
The MP was taken to a hospital nearby where he managed only to convey that he had been 'ignored entirely' by the rest of the coalition, and on occasion, 'ruthlessly belittled'. Doctors, who say they normally expect MPs to survive 10-15 minutes without screwing something up in the public interest before they begin to mentally decline, think the MP in question may have survived by entering political hibernation, a trance-like state in which delusions about 'a fairer Britain', with 'changes that work for you' ravish the mind. This make-believe 'coma land' also offers free university tuition for everyone, 'no matter what their background.'
In an interview shortly after the discovery, David Cameron announced, 'Amazingly during this 2 month period, no one noticed his lack of contributions - there were no concerned persons seeking him out for policy-making advice. I can honestly say I'm not sure I could identify him at all.'
Nick Clegg is thought to be able to return to work sometime early next week.