The organiser of a speed awareness course in Cheshire has been confounded to death by physicist Brian Cox.
Professor Cox decided to attend the course rather than collect three points on his driving licence, after being filmed by an oaf in a Transit on the A34. “As a brainy scientist, I thought I knew a fair amount about ‘speed’”, claimed Cox, “although we sometimes prefer to call it ‘velocity’, or ‘Euclidean vectors’. But I decided to go anyway, it’s always nice to meet fellow lecturers.”
Derek Tims was in trouble the moment he asked the physicist where he’d been ‘caught speeding’. “It was a stupid question”, explained Cox, “I wasn’t ‘caught’, I was ‘observed’. If I’d have been ‘caught’, my relative velocity would have been reduced to zero. Which would have excluded the possibility of me being ‘observed’ by Tims in his joyless, muddled little lecture on a Saturday morning, when I could have been out shopping for big telescopes.”
“Besides, a 4 mph discrepancy is statistically insignificant in the context of a barred spiral galaxy travelling through space at 300 km/s relative to the local group of gravitationally bound systems”. Tims last words were ‘are you sure it wasn’t your wife who was driving?’