Mr Lansley was late to the interview, after a failed attempt to cut petrol costs by making his driver push the car, and steer it, at the same time. He was also taken aback by the coffee served by the new "both ends" unified service operative, sensibly combining the formerly separate food, drink and toilet duties.
Defence ministers, inspired by the blame-free cost-cutting genius of the NHS propsal, are to attach a spreadsheet to British Army assault rifles, so that the British Tommy can help old Blighty by doing a quick cost-benefit analysis before firing each bullet. Trials have been mixed. "I really did want to stop my mate getting killed," said corporal Foster in Kandahar, "but there's still a week left this quarter, and a deficit would trigger a full accounts audit."
Some dictators, war criminals, and terrorist groups have also shown interest, a Mr Hess from Germany asking, "... So if I ask someone else to decide who dies, I'm off the hook?" However, we did find an empire leader who was less keen. Mr Vader commented, "it all goes fine when I'm the boss and they do what they're good at. As soon as I put some muppet in charge it goes tits up. And the last time I tried to get my hands dirty, I lost one.