As 6music celebrated its tenth year of appealing to 31-33 year-olds who pretend to enjoy obscure music released between 1993 and 1995, listeners over the age of 40 are being forceably bundled into Radio 2.
The station has attracted record levels of listeners in recent months, following a sustained campaign by media musos to bully people into liking 'The Fall'. But the realisation that its ageing listeners are edging ever-closer to Coldplay has caused some DJs to re-evaluate their own lives, and collections of t-shirts with shit bands on.
"We're sorry about this, but you're all going to have to leave now", explained pop skeleton Steve Lamacq. "We'll send someone round to tune you over to 88 to 91 FM." As literally dozens of balding old music fans turned their ears towards Ken Bruce, Lamacq put on some clothes for grown-ups and worried about his pension. "Thanks for coming", he said. "I'll play us out with just one more session from a dead band no-one really liked first time round. It's what John Peel would have made you think you wanted."