Fat Cats gas themselves with ethically produced fuels
It was a telling suicide note from a man at the top of his career, who threw himself from the top of a wind turbine. Another victim of what psychologists are calling Utility Futility Syndrome, a coroner heard.
“Oh god gas prices are going to go up till nobody can afford them and everyone hates me and when they find out about my bonus they’re going to hate me even more” read the note written by British Energy Corp’s Chief Executive Martin Smythe, just after he died. “I was playing Monopoly with the kids and I bought the Water Company, totally wiping out my five year old son, and then I was taking his money and everything went blank oh god oh god”
Coroner James Colfield’s verdict was that Mr Smythe took his own life while the balance of his mind was disturbed and the balance of his bank was increased by a bonus of £600,000. Clinical Psycholgist Gillian Alfreds told the Coroner’s court that Utility Futility hits senior executives in the water, power and technology industries hard. “The greater the cost of fuel, the more George Clooney style coffee equipment and wives they can acquire. But suddenly they realise their lives are as finite as the reserves of crude oil under the Isle of Wight. The realisation of this is not easy to bear.”
Ms Alfreds told the Coroner that sewage industry execs have devised particularly horrible but highly appropriate suicides. Telecomms execs have been known to leave suicidal messages on their own smartphone voicemails. One man who had millions of pounds worth of shares in both electricity and gasoline ran himself over with his hybrid Lexus.