As the 30th Anniversary of the Falklands Island invasion approaches, British defence preparations on the island have escalated to unprecedented levels amidst rumours of an Argentine invasion.
In a candid interview with our South America correspondent, the captain of Royal Navy's flagship HMS Dauntless has revealed that the worlds most advanced sea vessel has been specifically adapted to deal with the Argentinian threat.
“We’ve thought about the Argentinian threat, and after deciding that it was decidedly manageable we wanted to do a bit more experimenting this time around.” Captain Powell went on to explain how they had fitted mammouth 50,000 decibel speakers to the vessels deck and pointed them directly at Buenos Aires. In a commitment to non-lethal force Captain Powell explained the decision whilst calmly sipping on a cup of Yorkshire tea. “We dont want another Belgrano on our hands, so the plan is to sit here 5 miles off the Argentinian coast and blast high doses of loud Argentine Tango music directly at Buenos Aires. Our research has found that it is physically impossible for an Argentinian to do anything other than boogie, thereby neutralising any threat of hostility”.
Response to this news has been met with fury amongst the Argentine elite and as such a complaint has been lodged at the UN. A spokesman from Argentina's Government has been quoted as saying “They dont seem to be taking us very seriously at all”.