A new diet fad encouraging people to raise their heart rates slightly above average and to eat vaguely healthy meals is sweeping the nation.
The radical new plan urges people to not finish their day at work by waddling to the nearest KFC to cram a mixture of deep fried chicken skin and e numbers into their mouths, before donning a head set to play video games with their ‘friends’ in India into the early hours. Instead people are being urged to actually do some form of exercise up to three times a week, and try and incorporate more vegetables into their diet. But despite preaching these unorthodox methods, it’s already attracted a loyal fanbase.
“I’ve always struggled with my weight.” Said Thomas, who suffers from thyroid problems, complimented with a weakness for chips and gravy washed down with a litre or two of cola. “I’d tried literally everything. I’d downloaded Think Yourself Thin by Paul Mckenna, I’d even taken up smoking. Everything. Then someone told me about this crazy sounding idea, and I was skeptical like everyone else was, but having replaced my daily pizza and ice cream with a salad, and now taken up walking, I now look slightly less like a bloated human fucking whale. When I’m fit enough, my next goal is to walk to the nearest NHS hostpital and sue them for letting me get into the state I was in. I finally feel like I’m getting my dignity back.”