The internet is close to running out of stupid, irritating domain names that mean fuck-all to anyone, industry sources reported today.
On the day Wigan-based entrepreneur Darren Stokes found himself reluctantly settling for "www.vompfzvwazzle.ng" as the closest available collection of letters to describe his building restoration firm, experts warned that anything remotely relating to anybody's line of work, or indeed any recognisable words whatsoever have long since been allocated to other users, leaving only nonsensical baby-words to meet growing demand.
"What's really annoying," said Mr. Stokes, "Is that all the unbelievably cool names that mean fuck-all to anyone, like Zoosk and Zoopla and Ocado, have already been used up."
His concerns are shared by industry insiders:
"It's worrying. All we have left are some of the larger groups of random letters that mean absolutely fuck-all to anyone, and even those are becoming more and more scarce by the day," reported Andy Rogers of domain-registration experts ssssstttttthhhhhhhppppp.com.
It appears the problem may have been exacerbated by a generation of young graduates who, raised in an era dominated by dreadfully unfunny Purple Ronnie cards and cringeworthy flash-mob singalongs, began setting up online businesses with stupid names to sell twee crap to their spoilt, infantile friends, and in the process used up huge quantities of irritating non-words which mean fuck-all to anyone but themselves yet still sound really cool.
"These are exactly the kind of people who find the word "scrobbling" endearing," said Martin Randall, an expert in digital media at Lincoln University. He added, "No, I've no idea what it's supposed to mean either."
Today's developments have prompted those in charge of online domain allocation to consider wiping the internet in its entirety, the plan being to start again from scratch with only real, non-irritating words being permitted next time around.
Said one spokesperson: "And no, that does not mean you'll still be able to use fucking moonpig.com."