BBC Director-General, Penn E. Pincher, today revealed his detailed plans for the future shape of the Corporation's online services.
From 1 April 2011, the BBC News website will close, with readers being re-directed to page where they can sign up for a daily newsletter.
"This is a landmark development" gushed Pincher. "The BBC is leading the way in the 21st Century in revolutionising news services."
"No longer do you have to go through the laborious process of turning on your computer, logging on, and having to find stories on line that interest you." he added "You can now actually enjoy the BBC's award-winning journalism in a printed format".
"I mean, Murdoch is fannying about with introducing paid-for on-line news websites, while we're going one better and actually printing out the stuff" Pincher enthused. "That's real value for money."
"And what's more, at a time when the Royal Mail is under severe threat, our postal news service will help this great British institution through tough times. Royal Mail – or should as I say, 'Royal Mail in partnership with DHL.com' as it will be known soon – has been forced to go in cahoots with the private sector, and I for one will not stand up for this kind of nonsense."