Marbles handed in to White House lost property
A set of marbles, apparently found next to a few playing cards, is amongst the items in the White House lost property office. Staff are hoping to trace the owner who is thought to be a child, possibly a toddler. White House spokespindoctor Karoline Leavitt suggested that they were left behind by the previous administration and probably belonged to former President Joe Biden. However, it has been confirmed that Mr Biden still has all his marbles and continues to play with a fu
Concerns for passengers as operators announce trains will be freezing next year
Operating companies have announced that next year trains will be freezing. As an industry expert former Tory government minister for transport, Chris Grayling, was asked what he thought of the news as he left the House of Lords. 'Well, I'm not surprised. It's often suggested operators' carriages are cold and draughty at the best of times, but believe me we've not seen anything yet. Because as the government has decided the industry can't increase fares in 2026, then clearly t
MPs Monopoly Club banned from House of Commons
The cross-party House of Commons Monopoly Club, notorious for its disruptive behaviour, is in trouble with the House Authorities. After a series of raucous disputes, violent incidents and conduct unbecoming, the Club has been banned from meeting in the House. An insider told us that Monopoly Club members were always arguing about the rules, often dividing along party lines. Tory players were strongly in favour of other players going directly to jail, but felt that they should
Marbles handed in to White House lost property
A set of marbles, apparently found next to a few playing cards, is amongst the items in the White House lost property office. Staff are hoping to trace the owner who is thought to be a child, possibly a toddler. White House spokespindoctor Karoline Leavitt suggested that they were left behind by the previous administration and probably belonged to former President Joe Biden. However, it has been confirmed that Mr Biden still has all his marbles and continues to play with a fu
No. 10 denies Truss was appointed SPAD in the Treasury Dept.
With the many vacillations regarding recent backpedalling involving previously leaked Treasury Department policies and plans, No.10 has been forced into making a strong rebuttal Liz Truss was brought in as a SPAD with a specific brief to advise on the upcoming Budget. A Labour Party spokesperson said, 'Look, we understand these rumours, albeit Ms. Truss's methods were perhaps considerably better conceived than Rachel's, nevertheless, the Chancellor wishes to state categorical
Journalists “still have no idea” what will be in budget
In a fresh wave of frenzied speculation, journalists announced today that they still have no idea what will be in Rachel Reeves’ budget next week. 'It’s actually quite annoying,' said Quentin Hack of the Daily Heil. 'The government, as always, haven’t said in advance what they’re going to do. But somehow my editor expects frequent ‘updates’ on something that was a complete non-story in the first place. 'So let’s see… obviously public services need more money… but is an alr
Trump says White House Christmas tree visible from space
Half the lights on the White House Christmas tree are not working due to federal cutbacks affecting electricity supply. But President Trump still insists the tree is visible from outer space. 'We have a tree,' he told reporters, 'And it is a very fine tree, I’m sure you’ll agree. It’s maybe 3,000-feet tall. In fact, I think it’s the tallest tree that has ever been seen, and you know it’s a beautiful thing this tree, it’s really a beautiful thing.' Staff at the National Parks
Andy Burnham's cunning plan
Andy Burnham is undecided whether to become leader of the New Labour Party, the Alternative Labour Party, the Official Labour Party, the Special Labour Party, the Original Labour Party, the National Labour Party, Your Labour Party, the Reformed Labour Party, the Restructured Labour Party, the Re-Configured Labour Party, the Resurrected Labour Party, Not-The-Conservative Labour Party, the Liberal-Labour-Democrat Party or the Real Labour Party. In response, Sir Keir Starmer iss
Mahmood deports Paddington
The Home Secretary made it clear she had zero tolerance for illegal immigrants- particularly the furry variety that $hit in woods. In a TV outburt Shabana Mahmood, accused Paddington of being a bear of military age, determined to come over here and rape our marmalade. Her aide said. 'I don't care how he got here, small boat or the pen of Michael Bond - that little work-shy Peruvian ba$tard is getting the boot.' This follows the UK adopting Denmark's strident anti-immigration
Reform says Frankie the escaped flamingo should be prosecuted
Reform says that Frankie, the Caribbean flamingo that recently escaped from Paradise Park Wildlife Sanctuary in Hayle, Cornwall, on 2 November, should be prosecuted. After the escape the bird was seen a few days later in Goulven Bay in northern France where it appears to have settled, no doubt attracted by the wide availability of baguettes and croissants. A Reform spokesperson said: 'Obviously she’s a free-spirited thing, much like our leader, but that doesn't give her the r
