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Cast of Celebrity Big Brother 2011 discovered working as gypsy slaves in Sweden
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Police were yesterday struggling to determine whether an offence has been committed after the entire cast of Celebrity Big Brother 2011, with the notable absence of lovable bare-knuckle sexist Paddy Doherty, was discovered locked in a Portakabin in a field outside Malmo. Given the vanishingly low public profile of the individuals concerned, no-one had noticed their 11 month absence until a man walking his dog heard muffled bitching and backstabbing coming from the hut. The celebrities emerged blinking, bruised and half-starved into the daylight, but did not seem pleased to be rescued. “You’ve ruined everything”, screeched Kerry Katona, “we are breaking new barriers in reality TV”. Amy Childs agreed “My Big Fat Gypsy Slave Trafficker is like well realistic. The cameras are so well hidden that we’ve never even spotted one, do you know what I mean? When Paddy brought us over strapped underneath his caravan, we didn’t realise we’d be doing tasks 14 hours a day and getting forfeit beatings with a pick-axe handle. It’s beyond our wildest dreams”. Missing contestant Sally Bercow was described as the only evictee to date, after failing her task of tarmacking a supermarket carpark. “It’s a shame as she was fighting for all women whose careers have been eclipsed by their husbands”, said Tara Reed, “though funnily enough the next day we found a finger outside with just her shade of nail varnish. Can’t have been hers though as it had no diamond ring on it”
Posted 1 year ago #
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